the meaning of sleeplessness, butterflies, and sweat

Wow, that an amazing morning of discovery. Here was my experience when I woke up today.

observations:

• I am tried
• My palms are sweaty
• My stomach is churning
• My mouth is dry
• I have to poop
• I think I smell gross
• My neck is sore
• I feel like my insides are full of tingly butterflies
• I kept waking up and trying to go back to sleep
• I feel nervous and worries about nothing
• I am thinking and overanalyzing somethings
• My heart is beating a little faster than normal
• I am thirsty but not necessarily hungry (because I am afraid to feed the butterflies)

Have you ever felt like this? What does this mean?

The first time I experienced this was the first day I started drinking so afterwards I figured that was the affect that alcohol had on my body. Every time I partied after that I felt the same way but today I also have the feeling. The only thing is I didn’t do any drinking or partying last night. However, I’m noticing I didn’t have very much water yesterday and I went to bed at 2AM, but ate at 7PM. I now think these are the feelings I get when I don’t hydrate and nourish myself. When I first started partying I got into this habit of not eating for long periods of time (yay for being vegan at a party) and not sleeping enough (party all night wooo). I’m so glad to have discovered this because in the future I can take care of myself better as a result! Yay!

In the past I made up some pretty funny stories about why I felt this way… I am sick, there was a boy I liked around which is causing this, I have stomach flu, it’s insomnia, i’m going crazy… I’m glad to have a new conclusion to try out : )

NaPoWriMo #1: Can’t Breathe

(to be sung over soft piano)

CAN’T BREATHE,

underwater but on land.

CAN’T BREATHE,

and my head is filled with sand.

 

This congestion raises questions

that i’m not prepared to face

is this just one more infection?

did i catch it out in space?

could i be cured by an injection?

or am i permanently displaced?

as I can tell by your inflection,

though i’m gone i’ve left a trace.

 

CAN’T BREATHE,

underwater but on land.

CAN’T BREATHE,

and my head is filled with sand.

 

this just may be a disease

or is that just a phrase to please

my wandering mind

thorugh this isolated time

of sleep

and cold feet?

 

This song sounds kinda cool underneath.

A Confession

Confession: Sometimes, when I get sick with a cough, I like to imagine I am going to die a terribly tragic and romantic death. It makes everything feel a bit better.

Resolution: Get well soon : P

I am sick but…

via adamknits

see #beingsickcanbefun tea, warm blankets, homemade soup, oranges, cuddles, healing green shakes, coconut ice creme @ 4AM and being home : )

And fuzzy socks, and hot showers, and netti pots, and steam, and salt, and cleansing, and comfy clothes

May all be fed. May all be healthy. May all be loved.

May all be fed. May all by healthy. May all be loved.

May all be fed. May all be healthy. May all be loved.

xoxo

Jenni

never get high off paint.

August 4th, 2010

I had the craziest 12 hours but I am especially grateful for my awesome job that made everything better….

So basically my house is being majorly renovated right now. My Mom decided to put primer on my room yesterday. Although it was “dry” by the time I wanted to sleep, it was still very fresh and had major fumes coming off it. “Is it safe to sleep in there?”, I asked. I was told that it would be okay if the window was open… RIGHT. I think after several hours of unintentionally sniffing paint I woke up at 4:30AM feeling really sick. I think I accidentally ended up on a paint trip. I had some really creative ideas but also some CRAZY SCARY dreams. I got up to use the washroom and almost rolled into a bunch of paint. Then I had to climb the mountain of clothes on my bed to get back after I was done. I don’t think I really slept after that but my dreams were very confusing and rather unpleasant. I was really sick in the morning and I considered staying home but today was swimming and using the green screen at movie camp so I didn’t want to miss it. I didn’t have much time to get ready because I spent lots of time being sick so I didn’t really bring a lunch with me.

I rode my bike to SFU (as per usual) and on the way there this bus snuck up behind me and almost drove right over me. I rode up onto the sidewalk and almost hit some people myself! Then I passed a bank and right as I rode by a big alarm started going off and there were lights flashing and people yelling.

Paint High + Scary Dreams + Sickness + Almost hit by a bus + bank robbery… oh my.

As I continued riding I was still feeling sick and considered throwing up in the park. When I got to SFU my ears started making funny noises and I was really scared. I wanted to curl up in the fetal position and be held. I wish someone could have been there to give me a hug but it felt inappropriate asking my co-workers and/or the campers HAHA.

The morning actually went by pretty fast, my job distracted me from feeling afraid and sick which was awesome. I had fun and the kids were very well behaved. In the afternoon we went swimming. One of the kids came up to me and was like, “Jenni, can I splash you?”. I told them no. “Jenni, can I splash Stephan (the other leader)?” YES! Haha! We went in the Sauna near the end and it totally exfoliated a layer of dead skin from my legs making them all smooth and nice. Another memorable moment was when one kid (not from our group) asked me if I was a lifeguard (probably because I was playing with a big group of kids haha!). At the end of the day I ran into a bunch of people I wanted to see. I love when things work out the way I want them too : )

Crazy ass morning salvaged into a lovely adventure. Yay!