Perfect Stranger

Skytrain

Today a boy I met on the skytrain. We had a little skytrain romance. Before we parted he told me my boyfriend was very lucky because I am beautiful. 

So I see you

and i’m not sure if you caught my eye

or I caught yours

but we keep meeting briefly

in the middle

and I have this urge to know why

to understand

to explain

but I don’t want to ask

I don’t want to break the perfect forcefield of dilated perfection between us

so I sit

and I make up stories that I know you

or you recognize me

or you love me

and then the more I think about it

the more familiar you look

and suddenly we aren’t perfect strangers anymore

we’re just perfect

reunited

or united

I can’t tell anymore

because the past and your unfamiliar face

has become a fantasy

today

was a beautiful day

your face

i love the way

was a beautiful day

a lovely perfect wonderful

beautiful day

I talked about writing this, and this PostSecret I saw about how sometimes people stare at people on the train because they are beautiful, and the wondering…. and I forgot to tell him he was beautiful. And inspiring. And polite. Oops.

Also, he did not mention that I am the lucky one : )

Acting Workout: When can I “do” something?

Image

Today I had my first acting class downtown with Dolores Drake. I am in her class called “The Professional Acting Workout”. I got to be downtown at night which I love, but not the late kind of night (though I got to do that too) but the sunset time of night. The twilight. When the orange (the pretty kind, not like the CMYK kind) kissed the pavilions and the streetlights and the building’s edges.

I learned so much and I really had a positive experience! So many questions and answers.

 I was wondering about how to know when you “can do” something. For example, an accent. Or a special skill. Like playing guitar. When am I competent enough and proficient enough and confident enough to put something on my resume. I suppose I could think of acting as similar to other types of jobs this way. If I don’t want to be hired for 3D Modeling, then I won’t put it on my resumé. If I don’t feel comfortable playing clarinet for a casting director, I probably shouldn’t advertise that either. My teacher brought up some good point too about getting feedback and confidence. Do [insert skill here] for people and if your peers, friends, classmates, teachers, etc. compliment you on your work, then it is something you should promote. Do you believe yourself and feel confident?

COMEDIC SIDE NOTE:

That reminds me… during the winter break this year I went on the trip to Whistler with some friends and for some reason (I can’t recall if this was before or after the alcohol but neither would surprise me) I spent a large portion of the evening pretending to be Australian (because SO MANY people we met up there were from down under). I went to a cafe with an accent (where the owners were legit Australian), I bought lift passes, I went to a bar… I drank more alcohol. LOL.

I got to read three parts today in class:

  1. A short bit from Brent Butt’s CBC show “Hiccups”
  2. A scene from a TV movie where I worked at an eyeglass store.
  3. I am now working on the role of “Lynda” from Savage in Limbo by John Patrick Shanley

I really enjoyed the class for a few reasons. Everyone is very talented. People are working. One of the guys from the last class I attended was in a commercial I saw on TV  recently! Cool! (I still get a bit starstruck : P).

Also, I really like working with Film and Television material. I was reflecting on my time so far in the SFU Theatre Program and I noticed that often with self-directed scenes from plays I couldn’t “figure it out”. What does this line mean? How do we make the scene interesting? I needed a director or outside eye to help me put things together. Perhaps it is because of all the short film work I have done from a Director and DOP standpoint, but I really “got” the scene today. There were a couple times when the rest of the class was confused but I “got” it. That felt good, to be in on the joke. To understand.

I started to see myself in roles while rehearsing in class today. This has been a struggle with me in my ongoing journey wondering if/how I should pursue acting. I am a character. I fit into role. THAT COULD BE ME.

Overall, beautiful, wonderful day. Job well done. Mission accomplished. YES.

Am I Living In Integrity?

3D Star Map

I sit now, reflecting on myself. Am I living in integrity? I am being my word?

I have spent the beginning of this week doing vegan outreach at my university. With a fellow animal advocate we have had a Pay Per View booth (see: http://www.mercyforanimals.org/paid-per-view.aspx).

Across from our booth was the SFU Lifeline Club, the pro-life (and quick to mention anti-abortion) club on campus. When speaking with the students at the booth I really began to question myself on this issue. I began to question myself in general.

For many years I have not even admitted that I ever enjoyed the taste of meat. “It is the spices and seasons that made it taste good” I would say. Much like the defenses that carnist ideology brings up…

“to eat the body of another sentient being, we have to block our awareness and shut down our empathy.” – Melanie Joy via http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=7vWbV9FPo_Q#!

I would deny and put up a “vegan wall” against animal products. I think in some ways I have to. I have to put up a wall and “imagine”, forcing myself to remember the torture and pain that animals experience, the ill-health effects of animal products, and the environmental degradation… it is a mental exercise (though admittedly, it has gotten easier and become more of an unconscious thing that I no longer have to work at as actively as when I first went vegan).

Though non-vegans also practice a similar tactic (I believe) to avoid thinking about where their meat comes from, I feel as if i am acting a bit defensively. Perhaps I am in denial about what “tastes good” to me in order to do what I think is right.

These are the places I feel out of integrity:
Fair Trade – When cocoa or cacao is an ingredient in a (vegan) product I am not always inquisitive as to the source. This also applies to coffee and tea. I don’t drink them very often but I am not always conscious about the source. I think this is an easy thing I can “correct” to try and live more in integrity.
Electronics – Though I have done research on the assembly production of electronics I have bought (I wrote a paper and researched the Foxcon suicides), I have only briefly heard about the minerals and potentially horrible conditions and harvesting of these minerals in third-world countries. This is an issue I have had trouble finding information about and do not have any clear solutions for.
Clothing – Though I have been buying only articles Made in Canada/the USA and well researched companies which do not use sweatshops overseas, I have not been buying exclusively organic cotton and materials free from pesticides and the pollution of conventional cotton production. I did another research project on this industry and I am very ashamed of the production process of many textile products. I suppose I could buy more second hand products. Hmm. I shall consider this further.
Driving – I have been getting rides and driving with friends so often lately. I miss my bicycle commuting, my bold action against the fossil fuel industry.
Abortion – As I outlines in my previous post, I have not given this issue adequate consideration.
Organics – Why am I “die-hard” about the consumption of animals when the use of pesticides and other chemicals is also destructive to the environment, bad for health and kills insects and other species.

Thinking about these issue, I also started to reflect on self-destructive behavior. Where did this idea come from? What is the difference between self-care and self-harm? So many questions…

Pro-Thought: Jenni Thinks About Abortion

http://nationalpostnews.files.wordpress.com/2012/12/abortion.jpg

http://news.nationalpost.com/2012/12/07/graphic-abortion-in-canada-almost-100000-documented-terminations-in-2009/

Yesterday I spoke with the SFU Lifeline Club, the pro-life (and quick to mention anti-abortion) club on campus. It really got me thinking about the issue of abortion. As a generally left-leaning person I had “decided” I was pro-choice without giving the issue much thought or learning about the issue. When speaking with the representative I noticed myself saying that, while I, MYSELF, do not think I would ever get an abortion (seen Blue Valentine? Ugh, makes me shutter just thinking about someone doing that to me)… (even if it meant dying due to medical complications), I would not want to tell other people what to do. I noticed myself thinking that there are bigger issues that deserve my attention than abortion. I noticed myself judging past abortion displays I had seen thinking, why must they be so “in your face”? I realized that those are the same things many people think about vegan outreach and animal advocacy. I realized that, much like in the factory farms where animals are murdered and tortured, many babies are aborted around the world every year. Why am I so willing to tell people how they should eat and speak out against animal suffering, when I am so scared to speak about abortion? Sometimes when I reflect on ongoing animal suffering I wish I could close all the supermarkets, stop all the slaughter houses, and make all the killing stop. I wish I could run through the streets turning people into vegans. I wish the world was different and I feel an agent pull to create this change.

The group told me that Canada is one of only a few countries in the world with no restrictions on abortion. This means that abortion can occur during any term of pregnancy. I was very shocked to hear this. I realized that I don’t know very much about abortion, on either side of the “debate”. I found myself stating that I do not know much about the potential health reasons someone would get an abortion, or any reasons for that matter.

Based on the (very little and non-researched) information I have right now I think that there should be restrictions on abortion. I do not think aborting late in the pregnancy is ok. I think that non-invasive (this might be the wrong word to use) “abortion” techniques at the very start of the abortion are not cruel (before the central nervous system has developed). I think that stem cell research is a positive thing when the cells are harvested from the umbilical cord or right after fertilization…. I think.

Reflecting on my ignorance on this matter I am asking myself the following questions:

• How do I decide what to devote my time to?

• Which causes are worthy of my voice?

I can’t possibly learn about ALL social issues in a large amount of detail (or can I? Hmmm). That being said i think I would like to know more about abortion. I am not really sure where to start…

Do you have any articles or books to recommend?

Hey Beautiful Girl

I wrote this just now. I couldn’t sleep because I didn’t feel well but I am super glad now because being awake gave me time to do this. This is dedicated to so many people. I have been struggling with grief recently partially from loss and also from having some friends go through some tough times. This is for everybody. Girls and the girl inside.

[VERSE 1]

I know you’re out there somewhere

You might feel all alone

Far too far from home

But I am here.

I’m so far away

Wanna run to you in haste

I’ll be your ear.

Whisper if you must

I’ll return your trust

…I’m looking in a mirror

[CHORUS]

Hey Beautiful Girl

I wanna hold you ‘till it’s better

Lift you up in love

Wish I could ask the pain to pass

Raise you up above

With my hand under your heart

And my heart beside your hand

I’ll hold you in my arms

…And be your friend.

[VERSE 2]

In case you ever wonder

You’re good enough for me

All I could wish to be

Is just like you.

I love the way you fall

‘Cause your stronger from it all

You cannot lose.

It’s okay to cry

But just remember why

I wrote a song about you.

[CHORUS]

[BRIDGE]

Please don’t ever forget (ever forget)

Please dont ever neglect (ever neglect, ever neglect)

The one who taught me respect.

[FINAL CHORUS]

Hey Beautiful Girl

I wanna hold you ‘till it’s better

Lift you up in love

Wish I could ask the pain to pass

Raise you up above

With my hand under your heart

And my heart beside your hand

I’ll hold you in my arms

…Until the end.

We Day! And a song!

Today I was part of the Vancouver We Day Crowd Pumping Team! Wow! I felt happy, sad, moved, inspired, uncomfortable, energized, tired, confused, clear, hungry, full, disappointed, overwhelmed, amazed… and more! What a day! I spent 11.5 hours at the arena (arriving at 6AM today) and still went to improv practice after! Bam!

I have been writing SO MANY songs lately (like 5-7 a week!) and I have decided I need to start sharing some of them and putting the music down so I don’t forget the vision I have in mind when I write. I really wanna be in a band but I don’t have time at the moment so I have to plunk my own guitar haha.

I have more thoughts I want to share later but for now I was inspired by Archbishop Desmond Tutu and Demi Lovato’s messages (at We Day Today) to write this song:

For My Children – Lyrics

VERSE ONE

When I think about what I need

I got clean water and a place to sleep

I’ve friends and community

but there’s something missing

separation that I see people hating and being mean

I want respect for everybody

PRE-CHORUS

That’s the world I want to live in

A world that I want for my children

CHORUS

When you’re scared, turn to love

When you’re alone, remember love

We can change the world with love

Before you judge, remember love

Show somebody that you care

Speak up for those who are not there

Treat each-other with respect

and believe in what comes next:

it’s love, it’s love, love

VERSE TWO

It is easy just to blame

Other people for our pain

If they’d only change their ways

“The world would be much better”

We all have a role to play

You contribute everyday

We have to work together

PRE-CHORUS

That’s the world I want to live in

A world that I want for my children

CHORUS

When you’re scared, turn to love

When you’re alone, remember love

We can change the world with love

Before you judge, remember love

Show somebody that you care

Speak up for those who are not there

Treat each-other with respect

and believe in what comes next:

it’s love, it’s love, love

BRIDGE

Structures are in place that make it hard to see beyond the struggle

Hating only add more hate. I think that love’s the only way to move beyond… and make the world incredible.

CHORUS

When you’re scared, turn to love

When you’re alone, remember love

We can change the world with love

Before you judge, remember love

Show somebody that you care

Speak up for those who are not there

Treat each-other with respect

and believe in what comes next:

it’s love, it’s love, love

Join me in taking on the Welfare Food Challenge next week!

Raise the Rates has launched a new challenge, the Welfare Food Challenge. The challenge is to live for a week on the food that a single, able-bodied person on welfare would have – spending only $26. Sign up to take the Challenge below!

Of the $610 a month the BC government provides for a person on welfare, after paying for accommodation, bus tickets and cellphone (necessary to look for work), and basic hygiene only $109 remains for food – less than $26 for a week. There is nothing for clothes, haircuts, or any social life.

The challenge will start on October 16, World Food Day, and will finish on October 23. The week includes World Poverty Day on October 17th.

via Welfare Food Challenge

I am going to document what I eat each day, how much I end up spending, how I feel and anything else that comes up! I am staring mine a but late, likely on the 19th or 20th because I am volunteering at Vancouver We Day and will be up from 6AM to midnight for three or four days in a row so I won’t have time to plan my challenge until after the event.

I am going to try and do it low fat raw vegan style (fruit based) but am looking into the cost of organics vs conventional etc.

 

Food Stamps

Interested?

Check out their website:

http://welfarefoodchallenge.org/

Facebook Event:

http://www.facebook.com/events/394656377273971

Memorial: RIP Steve Jobs – A Year in Passing

RIP Steve Jobs.

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1R-jKKp3NA]

His speech inspired my own Valedictorian Application Speech in high school. Steve Jobs inspired me.

“Do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do! …don’t settle.”

– Steve Jobs

He is probably the only CEO who has ever (and possibly will ever) make me cry. I’ll never forget the Keynote speech where he announced the Macbook Air. I was in the height of my Apple fangirl phase and I hung on his every word. I was moved to tears by the beauty of that piece of technological advancement (The Macbook Air), not so much for it’s own merits, but for what it represented. Progress, advancement… the fact that something so powerful could be so small blew my mind in terms of design possibilities

“Follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well-worn path, for that will make all the difference.”

– Steve Jobs

I leave you with this quote, that now appears to me in a somewhat ironic fashion given the circumstances.

“Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose.” – Steve Jobs

Think different.

Dreamtime!

For a long time I gave up on the things I really wanted and settled for mediocre dreams. Forget that (Cee Lo Green style). People told me I wasn’t good enough, and that I’d never make it, and that can’t do it. Too short, too fat, not a US citizen, pitchy, talk too fast, not connected enough… But I am done with that.

Truthfully I have been on this kick since I saw the “Katy Perry: Part of Me” movie with my Mom this summer. I only get one life, why am I wasting it chasing my boring “attainable” dreams? It’s time to go big or go home, and if home is where the heart is then big I must go. During my later years of high school and the start of my university career I really settled into a frame of mind which let go of all my big aspirations, the dreams that are so exciting and so improbable that I’m scared… But that is the place where living truly happens for me.

But what will I do? What are my dreams? They have been quietly growing inside me for the past few years… Slipping out in the odd twitter post, inspiration, impulse to take an acting class at SFU, trips, meeting new people, the desire to audition… Professional role model, public speaker, leader… All guises for what I have really wanted since I was little…

I want to be a star. but not just any star, I want to be an entertainer, a famous entertainer. And I want to use my powers for good. I way to show the world my compassionate vegan self am bring more love into this Earth ball.
I think “entertainer” is a good word to describe what I want to do. I really have so many interests in so many things that it’s hard to choose… Comedy, music, acting, speaking… But there are people who get to do it all, and I want in!

Things I want to do:
Be on SNL (hosting or as a cast member)
Perform for a stadium arena
Write a book
Release an album (music or comedy or both)
Be in a movie
Host an awards show

I just have this feeling inside that this is what I was born to do. I am scared it will be hard, but self: you are special, you are unique, you are worthy… And you can do anything with enough perseverance and faith. If its not here yet, It’s just around the corner.

Free-Writing Inspiring by Indiana’s Thunderstorms

lightening strike003

The real cowboy. There’s a story in her eyes.
This is the place where idea clouds brew.
Where the lightning strikes the dawn anew.
Where poets die nourished for only they knew
To express- not detest this sprawling, wandering, golden-eyed tattoo.

With a flash
The paparazzi of the sky
Ambushes us from up on high
With a slash of light
At night it’s time to strike

In the darkness the room is a million miles wide

I could choose to get and angry or frustrated or cry, but instead I’ll choose to be happy and I don’t have to know why. And I could choose to be tired or burnt out or wrecked, but I’ll smile instead and laugh with the best.

Frantic feet might dance in the street but when they get on stage they keep the beat.

The bar doesn’t water down their drinks but my melted ice does a mighty fine job.

BAM.