For a long time I gave up on the things I really wanted and settled for mediocre dreams. Forget that (Cee Lo Green style). People told me I wasn’t good enough, and that I’d never make it, and that can’t do it. Too short, too fat, not a US citizen, pitchy, talk too fast, not connected enough… But I am done with that.

Truthfully I have been on this kick since I saw the “Katy Perry: Part of Me” movie with my Mom this summer. I only get one life, why am I wasting it chasing my boring “attainable” dreams? It’s time to go big or go home, and if home is where the heart is then big I must go. During my later years of high school and the start of my university career I really settled into a frame of mind which let go of all my big aspirations, the dreams that are so exciting and so improbable that I’m scared… But that is the place where living truly happens for me.

But what will I do? What are my dreams? They have been quietly growing inside me for the past few years… Slipping out in the odd twitter post, inspiration, impulse to take an acting class at SFU, trips, meeting new people, the desire to audition… Professional role model, public speaker, leader… All guises for what I have really wanted since I was little…

I want to be a star. but not just any star, I want to be an entertainer, a famous entertainer. And I want to use my powers for good. I way to show the world my compassionate vegan self am bring more love into this Earth ball.
I think “entertainer” is a good word to describe what I want to do. I really have so many interests in so many things that it’s hard to choose… Comedy, music, acting, speaking… But there are people who get to do it all, and I want in!

Things I want to do:
Be on SNL (hosting or as a cast member)
Perform for a stadium arena
Write a book
Release an album (music or comedy or both)
Be in a movie
Host an awards show

I just have this feeling inside that this is what I was born to do. I am scared it will be hard, but self: you are special, you are unique, you are worthy… And you can do anything with enough perseverance and faith. If its not here yet, It’s just around the corner.

The Offbeat Romantic Dream (A Poem)

Double exposure 42306h

It would be

oh so hipster and oh so nice

to make photocopies and drink red wine

& we could dance to a song from another time

or ride bicycled together, findin’ rocks to climb

build a fort out of the sheets

an call it a castle that we’ll never have to leave

– except to go to work and school…

and meet all of our friends too…

cause there will always be, more than just me and you.

my thoughts on DREAMING (or a review of Waking Life)…

The basic plot of the film is based on a physiological phenomenon known as “lucid dreaming”. Lucid dreaming means dreaming while knowing that you are dreaming. The term was coined by Frederik van Eeden who used the word “lucid” in the sense of mental clarity. Many of the dream state idiosyncrasies described in the film, such as the inability to read time on a digital watch or the tendency of light switches to malfunction, are described in studies authored by Dr. Stephen LaBerge of Stanford University, the leading American authority on lucid dreaming.


I think it’s interesting that is was created on mostly consumer equiptment, proving that you don’t need to spend lots of money to make good art (however I am the proud owner of the new Nikon D7000 haha).

I LOVE the quotes in the movie. I was trying to tweet everything but there wasn’t enough time. Some of my favorites were…

Dreaming is destiny.

Judge not lest ye be judged.

As one realizes that one is a figure in someone else’s dream, that is self awareness.

On really romantic evenings of self, I go salsa dancing with my confusion.

…that’s what I loved the most, connecting with the people. Looking back, that’s all that really mattered.

…we all know the function of media has never been to eliminate the evils of the world, no. Their job is to persuade us to accept those evils and get used to living with them.

I had some interesting thoughts of my own as well. I think i’m gonna use them to make an art film though so stay tuned : D

I really want to learn more an experiment with ludic dreaming and this whole realm of ideas.

PS: There’s a HOW TO for everything these days : P

Carpe Diem Muffins

I had a dream. It was a scary dream.

I was in a plane crash with my Mom. We were flying to India for some odd reason and the plane crashed in the water right near Royal Columbian Hospital. It was a bit of a near death experience. It was very scary because for the past year or so I have lived without fear of death. I came to accept my own impermanence without fear. But when the plane crashed my first thoughts were the things I left unsaid. The conversations I put off…

When I woke up (several hours early) I made “carpe diem muffins” (vegan cherry streusel flavor nix the nuts). I called my Dad. I talked to my Mom. I brought treats to my co-workers and had conversations. I talked to some of my friends.

All of these things I wanted to say to people.. You inspire me! I’m so glad to know you! I’m sorry! I take responsibility! You are amazing!

It was interesting to have this reminder to “clear it up as it comes up” (in the words of love-inspiring tricia) and get everything out. I thought it was a little funny though. From some reading recently I was being informed about how actions can either come from a place of love or fear. I thought it was interesting that my actions of love, were coming out of a place of fear (waking up so scared from my dream). But hey, practice makes perfect right!

After discussing dreams with a few people I had another dream the following evening. I was spinning and I could physically feel the earth moving. I kept trying to go to sleep, but I would just continue to spin on each attempt. Kind of interesting because I recently learned that when in a lucid dream, apparently spinning usually prolongs the dream.


Inception –

Inception PosterI FINALLY saw Inception yesterday. Now I know what everyone’s been talking about. First off this post contains spoilers but if you haven’t seen the movie I recommend you get out there and do so.

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This movie made me think about a lot of things and i’d like to express how much I LOVE movies like this. I’ve been known to host a mind@#$% movie night every now and then and this will definitely be shown at a future home screening. It’s so refreshing to come out of something inspired and confused at the same time.

I think Inception offers us some important lessons. First off, we all have a choice about how we create our world to be. Which reality do you choose to live in? Does it matter? Maybe it was Mal who had the right idea, as long as you are happy why waste time judging if something is “real”. She may have gone mad and killed herself but I think that was how Cobb created her to be, both by use of inception and by his own imagination (if we conclude that the movie took place in a dream). In my opinion, Cobb is perhaps the most insane because he could not dream… maybe that tells us that the whole movie was a dream? Can you have natural dreams within a dream? Debatable…

The movie also reminded me about being present; living in the moment. LIVE live right? It doesn’t matter where you are as long as you accept your surroundings and fully engage with them. I think it would be foolish to lose yourself in a dream forever, however that is not to dismiss the power of imagination. Create amazing beautiful things and think of impossible dreams, but don’t lose sight of where you are.

The whole experience was pretty trippy. I went to an afternoon showing and it was still daylight when I came out (not as disjointing as seeing a matinee of the hangover [ I was like WTF?!? Where am I?], but still disorientating). I had to go hug one of the trees outside the theatre to feel if it was real. I needed to feel it’s barky skin. It felt alive… btw.

Cobb’s whole relationship with Mal was both beautiful and disturbing. There is some movie that I can’t recall which said that no one should ever be the only one. You have to rely on yourself and I think even when you are married you are still your own person and can’t invest EVERYTHING in one other person. I think he was way to attached to her, that said love makes people do CRAZY things so I can sort of understand how someone could fall into that trap. All of that though, feelings, emotions, relationships… it’s all in our heads. We really do create our own reality.

All this talk about dreaming also reminded me to watch Joe Rogan’s DMT rant. If you don’t know what DMT is, it stands for Dimethyltryptamine. In summary it is naturally produced by the human brain and found in most living things. It is a highly illegal, highly potent psychedelic. Listening to his interview made me a little bit sad that we waste time and money outlawing things like that when nuclear bombs are being developed that have the power to destroy the planet, yet we aren’t making those chemical illegal.

I don’t think I would ever personally experiment with that stuff just because I can only remember about 6 dreams I have had in my lifetime and they have all been very scary. I think what makes dreams memorable to me is that feeling of adrenaline you get from a really intense dream… and I think having more DMT than my brain produces naturally could incur very bad effects and a negative experience.

In short, GO SEE INCEPTION! ANd go learn about new things : )

Keep dreaming,


Crazy Dream

Maybe it’s because the primer in my house is still very fresh and the fumes have continued to influence me but I had a really intense dream last night. I must have been thinking about gay rights because of all of the press coverage surrounding California over turning Prop 8… anywho here’s what happened.

I was in some town and they decided that they wanted to eliminated homosexuality. There was one prominent (yet faceless) gay person who they wanted to kill because they were gay. Everyone was sort of unhappy about this but everyone was also going with the flow and not doing anything about it. After a long time in this hostage-like situation (the dude was tied to a chair) I went into this room by myself. I was thinking about what was happening (one of those the-wheels-are-turning moments) and then I had an epiphany. I decided it was stupid for me to stand idly by while they kill that guy for no reason. I went back into the other room and gave this big speech about how stupid it was for everyone to just let this happen (I swear there were some really good quotes in there that I can’t remember now! haha). I was so scared because they could easily kill me for taking a stand against what was happening. There was chair kicking and yelling involved and when I was done everyone sort of rallied with me and took a stand for the man.

When I woke up I even had a bit of an adrenaline rush from all of the revolutionary excitement. Crazy. What does it mean? I don’t know, but it was certainly an exciting start to my day!

The future

“…I’m not talking about a commune, or even an active rejection of modern life. I’m just talking about a way of life that puts having some fun at the center, a way for people who want to garden, to make music, to play games, or to just have a good conversation, and live cheaply enough that we’re not working all our waking hours to pay the bills on a lifestyle that keeps us in our seats, dreaming of a better life. As I contemplate a return to the US, I realize that I don’t want to return to a life of scheduled exercise, paid for entertainment, and constant worry about the rising monthly costs on a life that I’m barely living. I want to live with friends, have fun, and enjoy this midlife crisis I seem to be having.

In short, I want to make a retirement community for people who want to retire from the rat race, but not from their life’s work. I want to find a way for people to make what they really care about the focus of their life. How would we make a living? I’m not sure. I do know I don’t need that much to thrive and I like to move around during the day. What do you think? Am I just dreaming, or can this be done?”


I think this is what I want for my life. One day, to live in a community, with a garden at the centre. A place where a guitar is never far away. Fireflies and ladybugs call it home as well. People play with theirs kids, use hula hoops, paint pictures and eat together. Someone is always around for company and the garden is the hub of it all. Bicycles are welcome and smiles come free. We sing, we dance, we make things.

Dreams do come true.

My last post was about wishes. I’m so grateful for all that I have in life and for all the wonderful things i’ve experienced. I’m going to share a few of my wishes that have come true. I am very lucky that many of my dreams-come-true can be condensed into photos. With the help of this tutorial site I jazzed them up a bit.

I dreamed of going to New York City. (2006)

At one point I wanted to be the Wicked Witch of the West more than anything. (2008)

This video is from right after I found out I got the part. It was an awesome day. I’m quite embarrassed to post it, I’m crying and not sure what to do with myself but it’s a part of my history. Don’t judge me hahaha.

I wanted to be part of Disneyland’s Year of a Million Dreams. (2008)

I wished to be Belle from Beauty and the Beast : ) (2009)

I wished to learn Trapeze. (2005)

I dreamed i’d make films and win awards. (2009)

I dreamed of meeting rockstars. (2007 + 2008)

I dreamed i’d have amazing friends.

I dreamed i’d fall in love.

I wished to go to University.

I am so blessed to have been offered all the opportunities that have come my way! Thank you.

A dream is a wish your heart makes! < 3

May your dreams and wishes become reality.

Make a Wish

I just began listening to Amy Krouse Rosenthal’s blog post about wishes. This got to me in the same way that PostSecret does. It amazes me how I can have so much in common with a complete anonymous stranger. Some of the wishes felt like someone was looking into my soul. We really are inter-connected. Some wishes were funny, others are making me cry. It’s interesting how wishes and secrets have so much in common (haha, i’m still listening to it and someone else noticed that, Great Minds!). I also noticed how many of the wishes are within the power and control of the wisher. If you want to do well in school, make it happen. If you want to be happy seek out happiness. I believe we all have power over our own destiny. I’m not saying it will be easy, but it is through facing difficulties and challenges that we learn the most important lessons. Sometimes when we don’t get what we wish for we realize we didn’t really need it anyway. I think somtimes life is about learning to live differently. Everything in life serves a purpose.

As kids we are taught to keep our wishes secret. Think about blowing out the birthday candles or wishing on a shooting star. If you tell someone then it won’t come true, right? I think, really, that logic just shows how scared many people are. When we say our wishes out loud we can turn them into goals, we might even find people that can help us make our wishes come true…

Personally, i’ve noticed how my wishes have changed. As a little girl I was very selfish and self-centered. I’ve spent a great deal of time working on that and trying to change that part of me. When I was younger I would always wish for material things, I remember wishing for a Furby so badly (which I ended up saving my money for and buying… poor girl working at Sears had to count all my pennies… further proof that we can grant our own wishes). I guess things like that were more important to me then. I can’t say that i’ve changed too much. Now I usually wish for other things I want, but instead of toys and material things I wish for meaningful relationships and love. Sometimes I feel guilty about this. I want to wish for a better world, a peaceful planet, happiness for others. When it comes down to one thing though, if i could only pick one thing to wish for, it would be a selfish wish. If i’m wishing for someone else to help me make a difference though, that should count for something shouldn’t it? A sort of selfish-unselfish wish?

The Last Lecture

My wonderful Mother linked me to this awesome talk sometimes called “The Last Lecture”. It is a very charming and  motivational speech by Randy Pausch about achieving childhood dreams.

For me the highlight was when he says, “When you’re screwing up and no one is saying anything anymore, it means they gave up.” It is so true. Sometimes criticism can be hard to accept but it’s important to remember people wouldn’t think about you or talk about you if they didn’t care for you. Without further ado…