SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!
Last night I re-watched Pay it Forward. This movie gets me every time. So beautiful and tragic * sigh *
I had never viewed it as a Christian Allegory before but that was definitely the reading I got this time. I think the kid represented Jesus, the people he helped were his disciples and well… you know how it ends. I think the Mom might have been some sort of Mary Magdalene figure.
Then I got to thinking, what if all of life is a Christian Allegory. I mean Jesus is Love right? And since everyone is a “divine creation” we are all Love. And if all of life is here to teach us about love and compassion then each death is for our sins. So we are all Jesus, in a way. Possibly? (Note: I am not Christian and I am not trying to be sacrilegious by writing this… I just like thinking about how love shows up in the world. No offence intended). Anywho I was really upset last night. I started pondering some recent events that have transpired in my life. The unfairness of loss. I think taking life is the worst thing one can do (weather it be the life of another or your own). I wanna watch some more Leo Buscaglia and go hug everyone. Love more. Yes…. and now a poem
A POEM ABOUT LOSS
the inescapable feeling of all the air suddenly disappearing from my lungs,
and the unsatisfyable need to be anywhere but here.
and the sinking knowing that in this moment everything is not alright.
and the uncomfortable notion of observing the bloodshot and tear stained eyes of my weeping self. and the search for beauty in that moment but the finding of only emptiness. vast, cold emptiness.
and despite all of the happiness and joy I might have had today I want nothing more than I cry myself to sleep.
and grab, squeeze, reach any part of you or anyone who has ever known you, or would want to, or would pretend to.
bolting from the room as if to vomit up my pain and shock.
and thinking deep down that everything will be fine, and there is a lesson to be learned, and this challenge will make me stronger… but not caring because I cannot breathe.
and sinking down, away, into the bathroom stall.
but not caring because I cannot breathe.
and I think that it’s unfair. But a life taken doesn’t care.
and I think that it’s not right. But that won’t bring you back tonight.
And I am at a loss.