I think I always knew that we are all of one… But I didn’t really realize it until I was staring into this boys eyes on the skytrain yesterday. It was the weirdest thing. I bumped into my transit friend again, for the third time via a bus. Usually if I bump into someone twice I assume it is a sign and some sort of divine coincidence or irony… but three times… wow that must be something special.
I am almost scared to write about it… what if he reads it? What if I ruin it? But then (as SuperForest Jackson Would Say) it is in the past, and it is already a fantasy. And it’s already open to the creation, interpretation, and the fabrication of my forgetful mind.
So basically I turned to my left at the bus stop and there he was, just standing there, reading. I said hi. We got on the bus and talked about wanting to get lost in a forest, and how gross fast food is, and what we would do if the martix was real (or is it? haha). He was really tired and kept almost falling asleep. We talked about Hippy University. He told me he lost his mind. I asked how. He said it exploded. I asked what it looked like. He said it looked like grasses. I said I think mine would look like rainbows and glitter. He said you don’t really know how it’s going to come out until it happens. I told him he was like the Mad Hatter and Cheshire Cat combined. He said he identified with the Caterpillar.
When we got to the skytrain we talked about being alone. I remembered how I think we are always alone (in our minds) and how we are never alone (in the world). Our disagreements weren’t like an argument, more like one person reminding the other of a different perspective, our thoughts blowing back and forth like the wind. He mentioned how he was tired and wanted to be alone… but then said it would be ok if I was there. Wow.
He said he had decided to be awake. I wonder if it was because of me. Then, i’m not sure exactly how but we just stopped talking and were sitting there next to each other, staring into each other’s eyes. While I was looking there I was trying to see inside of him (because they say that the eyes are the portal to the soul) but I noticed that there wasn’t anything to see. It was just me and myself. I had all of the these thoughts and I wanted to write about it, and tell people, I wanted to keep it a secret, and I wanted to know what he was thinking, and I wondered if he knew what I was thinking, and then I tried to send him some intentions (with my mind) so that he’d know that I love him, and then I wondered what he were trying to tell me by just sitting there and staring at me. And I watched him almost fall asleep, going in and out of consciousness, and I laughed because I know what that’s like and it was beautiful. I didn’t want to move. My heart was beating and I was ever-so aware. I realized that we were having a moment of being alone, together.
Part of me wanted to ask for his phone number or someway to contact him, but I didn’t want to do anything to ruin that moment or to change, it because it was wonderful.
Later I was pondering how unintentionally and amazingly romantic he is… the words he said, his eyes… but then I realized it isn’t him – it’s me! I think that romance is all open to interpretation. I can see something or hear something and think it is romantic – and then I create it to be that way. I was singing this when I got home…
I didn’t mean to waste the water
but I couldn’t feel my hands
I stood outside in the rain for 10 minutes today
and I wondered what role in my life that you’d play
I find this incredibly ironic because I often joke that if I had a pick up line it would be, “remember that time I starred at you?” BUT NOW THAT HAS ACTUALLY HAPPENED.
I love that I can fall in love a million times a day. And that connecting with another person doesn’t have to mean anything or have a future or a past. Just a moment. It was beautiful. Maybe this is my missed connection. Maybe it’s just a moment