My Blessings

Blessed art thou
I was reading THIS ARTICLE titled “Have I ever had “ANY unwanted/undesired physical or sexual contact”?” today and I found myself having a different experience than the author. I think the end especially was interesting…

I refuse to do the happy dance because I was fortunate enough not to be molested as a little girl and have not been violently raped. I refuse to be abjectly grateful for ‘getting off easy’ with the experiences I’ve mentioned here.

Because I deeply resent that they are normal.

Because I can hardly stand the thought of these constant erosions of personhood seeming normal to our daughters and sons.

But for this love and gentleness and compassion, I am infinitely grateful.

I have a different opinion (but her’s is totally valid). I say, why not do the happy dance? Why not celebrate? I too feel sad that some of these things are “normal” to some people and that others have experienced them. However, I appreciate that I have been very blessed, both by experiences I have had, and those I have not.

For example… I have never…

  • been raped
  • been molested
  • been beat up
  • been shot
  • been physically surrounded by war
  • been physically stalked
  • lost someone close to me
  • and much more..

In contrast, I can admit that I have…

  • hurt myself on purpose
  • been bullied
  • attempted suicide
  • had “unwanted physical contact”
  • been stolen from
  • grown up in a single parent household
But I have also…
  • bullied others
  • been mean
  • hurt others physically (though I am not very strong haha)
  • potentially given others “unwanted physical contact”
  • stolen from others
AND still I have…
  • apologized
  • found unconditional happiness
  • known love
  • loved myself (and still do!)
  • lived my dreams (too many to count last year alone)
  • helped others
  • inspired others
  • gotten to exactly where I want to be
  • made a commitment to love and kindness

I am so grateful for all of it! I am so blessed by everything. Because ALL of this, makes me who I am today.

Skills of a Kindred Spirit

Apologies:

Taking responsibility for and communicating my experience.

I say “I apologize” because “I’m sorry” may land in a different way.

Appreciating the teaching and impact this person has had on you and committing to appearing to them as unconditional love.

I can apologize for my actions, thoughts, judgements and for speaking or acting in a way that didn’t land as an opportunity, for not showing up as love.

 

Requests:

are not requirements.

are letting someone know what you want, and having the freedom to hear YES, NO or a COUNTER OFFER. If the answer is no that is not a negative thing.

The ability to receive no is the ability to receive yes.

 

Wonder:

Being curious! Asking myself why I feel a certain way or think a certain thing.

 

Clearing:

For the Cleared: The deeper you share the more profound your experience.

For the Clearer: this is training/meditation in compassionate listening and an opportunity to hold the seat of love. You must only repeat back what the cleared says, and repeat back how they said it.

Clearing is a sacred process.

 

 

Holding Space:

Being love! Accepting others and circumstances and holding the seat of love.

What opens you to creating connections and being in relationships?

This was inspired by the amazing workshop, Kindred Spirit, I attended with Matthew and Terces Engelhart from Cafe Gratitude on the weekend.

I am creating that yesterdays post was really heavy. I want to try the opposite!

What opens you to creating connections and being in relationships?

NOTE: We are all in relationships with EVERYONE all the time. There is so much more than just intimate relationships. Friendships are relationships. There are work relationships. I even have a relationship with the Earth, Nature and our planet.

This was a really big question for me to answer. It would be really cool to hear what other people think! Please share in comments! : D

NOTE: I think sharing is contributing to the whole and making yourself available to be spoken through/ by love. I think sharing is an expression of love.

So what opens me? Synergy! Connecting with others! Feeling acknowledged! Being inspired! Being creative! Feeling accepted! Giving and receiving hugs! High Fives! Shared hobbies! Dancing with partners! Singing in harmony! Being listened to! Being heard! Listening to others! Being a safe space! Helping others! Being supported and cared for by others! Winning at life! Shared laughter! Kisses! Sharing a smile! Holding hands! Pounding it! Secret handshakes! Running! Jumping! Not being alone! Being watched and admired! Being trusted! Holding my own integrity! Keeping promises! Playing games! Making up stories! Buying things! Giving things away! Volunteering! Getting help! Picking up trash with others! Seeing part of me reflected by other people.

I am so up for creating connections and relationships!

I think relationships are a mirror, designed to reflect ourselves. I want to be a reflection of unconditional love!

I am committed to creating a life of unconditional love and unconditional trust.

What stops you from creating connections and being in relationships?

This was how my amazing workshop, Kindred Spirit, with Matthew and Terces Engelhart from Cafe Gratitude began.

What stops you from creating connections and being in relationships?

NOTE: We are all in relationships with EVERYONE all the time. There is so much more than just intimate relationships. Friendships are relationships. There are work relationships. I even have a relationship with the Earth, Nature and our planet.

This was a really big question for me to answer. It was really cool to hear what other people expressed. Their sharing helped me to define my own challenges.

NOTE: I think sharing is contributing to the whole and making yourself available to be spoken through/ by love. I think sharing is expression love.

So what stops me? A lack of trust stops me from creating connections and being in relationships. Sometimes other people do not fulfill my expectations. By being transparent (honest + brave), making requests and communicating my experience (observations/thoughts/feelings/wants) I can face my fear and create a life of trust for myself. Sometimes I doubt other people. By acknowledging others and taking responsibility for my experience through the tool of apology I can fully trust and love others unconditionally. Sometimes I am afraid of failing, or of doing a “bad job”and I choose to work alone. Sometimes I stop communicating to other people because I think it will be easier to “just do it myself”. I think “other people won’t meet my standards”. I am not committed to this thinking. I am committed to being a source of unconditional love. I am choosing to value creating connections and being in relationships over being “right” or “the best”. Finally, sometimes I check out of relationships! I am afraid “someone better” or more suited to me will come along and I will miss out. I am committed to seeing each moment and relationship as an opportunity for learning and growth. I have to power to say yes and no whenever I like and that is okay! It is okay to change my mind but I will not let thinking of the future stop me from living in the present and creating connections and being in relationships.

I am so up for being vulnerable and committing to addressing these things!

I think relationships are a mirror, designed to reflect ourselves. I want to be a reflection of unconditional love!

I am committed to creating a life of unconditional love and unconditional trust.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today’s Epiphany

Dr. Stephen Covey, one of North America’s most respected, widely read and frequently quoted leadership experts, and author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People , defines leadership as:

Communicating to people their worth and potential so clearly that they come to see it in themselves.

I came across this quote as part of a leadership program I completed at SFU and I started making connections to the process of acknowledgement but I did not fully realize this connection until today.
Today it was made clear to me that…

if I just change my own behavior and use my aptitude for positivity to acknowledge others, then I can fully realize my potential for unconditional love.

By living with an appreciative mindset I notice and become attuned to the good in others and BY DOING THIS I can model how other people can do this as well. Then, they will also notice and become attuned to the good in others and (more importantly) themselves.

The thing I love most about the phase BE LOVE is that I continue to understand it on deeper and deeper levels.

Please watch the videos that SuperForester Matthew posted from the Leaders Causing Leaders Conference of Matthew and Terces Engelhart HERE.

I think i’ve seen this about 10 times and I STILL get stuff out of it. MAGICAL. Seriously. We create each other, so make us beautiful.

This insight also came out of a three day workshop I am completing and book I read called Clear Leadership. Good stuff.

So, what do you want to be acknowledged for?

Love,

Jenni