Acting Workout 2: How Do I Act??? What is Acting???

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It’s nights like this I question why I am doing this. And why I am not doing this. In some ways, performing and creating are what keeps me alive. Every time something bad happening to me or I have to overcome a challenge I think to myself, it’s okay because this is great songwriting material, or this will give me more to draw on as an actor. Sometimes though, the process of channeling those things is very difficult.

 

Tonight I was playing a character who had just experienced a breakup and was crying. At first I got really caught up on the crying and just wanting to make myself cry. Then I let that go and worked more on trying to achieve my objective in the scene. I was trying to bring my own life experiences in to channel the required emotions within myself but I couldn’t connect the two. It wasn’t like I didn’t have ample things to draw on, or that I didn’t understand what the character was going through.. but I could not bring those emotions into my body within the scene. I felt like I needed to sit there for hours preparing myself to have the intensity and emotions required. I tried getting ready on the train before coming to class but when I got in the room I was overcome with the desire to be social and talk with the class as we waited to get started. I also noticed that as the scene was going I would yawn every time I felt like some emotion was going to come through me. It was like my body was working against me…

 

I remember when I was a kid I was THE BEST at crying on cue. I could cry anytime. I used to play the game “graveyard” at daycare, where someone walks around tries to make everyone laugh… and I would always end the game weeping. I was a fairly lonely kid and didn’t really fit in with most groups (or at least this is how I remember it) so I would draw on that, but mainly I would remember scenes from movies that made me sad. I used to think of this scene from the Grinch where he looks really lonely and everyone is mean to him and I would cry every time….

 

 

I even considered calling my boyfriend and asking him to pretend to break up with me, or having a friend yell at me… Or finding a friend and asking the specifically to be really mean to me when I ask.. or getting into an argument with a stranger. How do I

I feel like I should invent my own method that works for me, but then people have been acting for centuries – why do I not just follow their training? All of the Grotowski and body training from my classes at SFU finally started to make sense… being aware of my body and how I am being… accessing my emotions… the effects that posture and position have on my emotional life… I finally started to get it… but when I think of the possibility of doing that for a year and a half I dread the idea. I don’t think I could handle being in this hard, tired, yawning place for that long. Where is the play? The make-believe?

I know that acting is an important part of my life but I am not sure how I want it to fit into my career and world.

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I want to be a professional role model (and the reason I bought an iPhone)

This is the main reason I bought an iPhone today.

"Role Models" - after William Wegman

When I was in high school I didn’t think caring was cool.

I didn’t think it was cool to not eat animals. I didn’t think it was cool to stand up for those who cannot speak for themselves. I didn’t think it was cool to eat vegetables. I didn’t think it was cool to drink green juice, or eat salad or kale. I didn’t think it was cool to be different. I didn’t think it was cool to dig through the trash looking for recycling to save. I didn’t think it was cool to say “no plastic straw please”. I didn’t think it was cool to bring my own water bottle, or my own lunch. I didn’t think it was cool to ride a bicycle. I didn’t think it was cool to hug other people or tell them how much I loved them. I didn’t think it was cool to be friends with my parents. I didn’t think it was cool to smile at people on the bus. I didn’t think it was cool to not have any enemies. I didn’t think it was cool to talk to the “weird” kids. I didn’t think it was cool to be weird! I didn’t think it was cool for everyone to make their own choices about drugs and alcohol. I didn’t think it was cool to take action to change the things that I didn’t like about the world. I didn’t think it was cool to ask where things came from and how they were made. I didn’t think it was cool to buy second hand clothes. I didn’t think it was cool to refuse to buy clothes made in sweatshops. I didn’t think it was cool to think about the big picture.

Or maybe I did. In hindsight my vision of myself is cloudy.. (after all everything in the past is a fantasy). Maybe I thought these things were cool but I was scared that other people didn’t think they were cool.

I know that right now, at this moment…

I want to make it cool to care. I want to make it cool to empower other people. I want to make it cool to value heath. I want to make it cool to care about the environment. I want to make it cool to ride a bike. I want to make it cool to grow plants. I want to make it cool to love animals and not hurt them. I want to make it cool to be vegan. I want to make it cool to show compassion to other beings. I want to make it cool to do whatever it takes to better the world. I want to make it cool to leave each place better than I found it, and each person as well. I want to make it cool to learn things. I want to make it cool to go to school. I want to make it cool to practice lifelong learning. I want to make it cool to pick up trash on the street. I want to make it cool to reduce, reuse, recycle and refuse. I want to make it cool to question everything and challenge the now. I want to make it cool to say hi to people and smile at them. I want to make it cool to appreciate others. I want to make it cool to say please and thank you. I want to make it cool to apologize and be humble. I want to make it cool to forgive people. I want to make it cool to love unconditionally.

I think I want to be a professional role model.

I am looking forward to tweeting, photo-blogging, tumbling and more!

Along this vein of thought, someone told me to check out philanthropy – that might be how I spend my life. Time to get started! Yay!

Also, I know Apple has recieved lots of criticism lately about human rights relating to the conditions in their Foxconn factories. Also though, they are the only tech company (that I know of) that actually puts of a report and is investigating the standards in the factories. I am currently doing a paper on this topic so hopefully that will add to this conversation.

So my plan is to use my powers for good and make the best of this.

PS: I also watched the movie Role Models. I laughed a lot! Cool stuff.